if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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