how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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