of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize