toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I only lived at night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
