So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
