Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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