im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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