I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
