I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
