just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
