Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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