i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
