I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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