he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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