after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
