Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
