Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
