I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Still dying that you shit outside
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
