yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
