I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
