I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
