I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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