I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
