Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
