So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
