Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
