HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
