think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bring me that man meat
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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