She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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