If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
