I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
