I feel like abortions should bother me more
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
