Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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