Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
