I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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