M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
