everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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