As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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