I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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