Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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