i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
