tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
