I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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