Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
