Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
