Buhtt sex?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
