He is an equal opportunity slut.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
