i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
