How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
