He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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