It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
