so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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