Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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