I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
