Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
