u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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