I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
