i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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