i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
