so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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