anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
